Christianity
died on though he didn't stay dead long. ]] Christianity is an Abrahamic religion and is irrational like other forms of Theism because they believe that faith is better than Science and reason. Well, the Liberal Christians, don't try mix and faith and science together. This is a very hard thing to do, but they try to do it, they do VERY good at it, and could be the last Christian group who actually follow Jesus. In the Western church, the Protestants and the Roman Catholics are the most common sects. Christianity comes in many different denominations and the less tolerant denominations tend to think everyone else is deluded or lying. Like most religions, it divides humans and is the cause, not answer, to many of our problems. Conservatives always mention the Bible or being Christians as a cheating advantage to win a point. Although, many know Conservatives want to take healthcare away from the poor which goes against the bible. The map below shows the percentage of Christian believers worldwide, click on the image to get a bigger picture. Protestants Protestant Christianity is a popular branch of Christianity in North America and Northern Europe. It is part of the neocon plan to gain complete control over us. Fundy Protestantism involves going to church every Sunday, giving your money to the Preachers/Ministers/conservatives/Fox News, and taking the bible literally (except for some of the bits that Jesus said, like "Love thy neighbour," "turn the other cheek," and "it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the gates of heaven"). Fundies are happy that Jesus said "blessed are the peacemakers", especially as those wimps at the UN don't have any nukes, let alone that specific nuclear weapon system. You may be Christian if you like to be standing in the shadows of ignorance. You can be one if you want to. Just don't say we didn't tell you. "But if you regret it, you may come again and confess for forgiveness. But you need to bring some 500 bucks or I can't help you. And remember, send a contribution in paper money, no checks, and you'll have a better seat in heaven." Many of the more conservative Protestants avoid all subdivision labels, are particularly disparaging of the Protestant label, and refer to themselves strictly as Christians. They believe that 98% of professed Christians are lying and use this pulled-from-the-ass statistic to justify acting like a persecuted minority. Protestant denominations Episcopalians Episcopalianism is another type. They sort of pick and choose aspects from Catholics, Protestants and a little Judaism. Baptists Baptists follow St. John (the Baptist). They usually or always take the Bible literally and believe in Young Earth Creationism. The most prominent Baptist is Mike Huckabee. Here’s Uncyclopedia’s take on Southern Baptists. Mormons Mormonism is another type of Christianity. Morons Mor'm'''ons follow the Old Testament, the New Testament, and a third book, the Book of Mormon. Now that is weird. Apparently, Jesus came to North America, told people they can have multiple wives and converted natives. New Jesus also didn't like blacks, gays, or masturbation, and turned wine into fruit juice. Morons Some Christians are very ignorant as they constantly attack gay people and their right to get married (that totally contradicts the purpose of a free country) and do very dumb things like believe in creationism and hate pedos even though most priests either are pedos (a minority) or allow pedos to get away with things (That looks like the majority in the Roman Catholic Church). Roman Catholics Roman Catholicism is commonly thought to interpret the bible literally, but in fact, don't believe that, and believe that evolution happened, though theistic evolution it may be. Many dumb Catholics don't realize that their church accepts evolution and get swallowed by neoconservatives, even though their views are often different on every level. Overall the Catholic Church is preferable to fundy Protestant churches. The only Catholic US president was John F. Kennedy. Orthodoxy Eastern Orthodoxy is the bit of Christianity left behind after the Roman Catholics split away in the Great Schism of 1054 CEhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East-West_Schism, invaded and sacked the Eastern Latin Empire in the 4th Crusade, and the Eastern Empire fell to the Ottoman Turks. There are many Orthodox Churches, some important ones being the Church in Istanbul (Constantinople) the Ethiopian Orthodox Church which split from the Coptic Orthodox Church, and the Armenian Orthodox Church. Armenia was the first state to adopt Christianity, by the way. Neocon View of Christianity Christianity is a great truth. It explains things much better than evolution, which is a highly flawed fairy tale for adultshttp://www.evolutionfairytale.com. God loves you. If you don't vote Republican, and keep out those Democrats and Greens, some of which are Christians who are godless motherfuckers, and don't spend a big part of your life kissing GWB's ass appreciating that God gave us these wonderful republicans to mediate between us and him, you will greatly regret it later when you burn in hell! god Hell! God (Big G, Big H, folks, this is supposed to be the Conservative view) will hate you if you are not a Republican, and that’s why He made it the only way to salvation. Conservative Christians, on the one hand, believe Jesus was a white, fair-haired, blue-eyed, apple pie and Mom-loving good ol' boy who believed in war, upheld the right to bear arms (even though Jesus died in 30AD and the 2nd Amendment was ratified in bloody 1791AD) by always carrying his blessed Colt 45 "peacemaker" (cuz that was CLEARLY what he meant by "peacemaker"(!) That gun wasn't around until even AFTER the 2nd Amendment was ratified) opposed Gun control, and hated scroungers, hippies, and anyone who wasn't a conservative. (Do they realise that Jesus wasn't American? He was Palestinian, so gun rights wouldn't have affected him even if that WAS around.) Liberal Christianity Liberal Christians on the other hand are, intelligent, have a sense of humility, know what the heck they are talking about and don't take the Bible literally (except some of the bits that Jesus actually said, like ''"Love thy neighbour", "blessed are the peacemakers" and "it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the gates of heaven"). They also care about poor people. See also *Christian morality *Problem of Evil External links *Christianity category:Religion Category:Pseudoscience Category:Conservative Tactics Category:Things God didn't write Category:Christianity Category:Things God didn't do